Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Golden Friday

If you've been thrashing on the waves of life lately, looking for a buoy to grab hold of, look no further than today's drop. Maybe it was the chicken lime burger I had for dinner last night(definitely not), or maybe it was the A$AP Rocky playing on my Spotify this morning(yup), but the Champ is back and ready to train for another heavyweight battle against the blerg and boring blogs of the bodega. Will this lead to weekly entries? Hardly. Will your Friday be better for reading this? Doubtful. Have I spent the last hour and a half trying to organize my paper clips by size, weight, and density? Let's just get to what really matters most, my thoughts.....okay fine, just humor me for a bit by reading them anyway.

-If the top headlines are an accused murderer losing his All-American brick at his Alma Mater and Alex Rodriguez paying random doctors he's never met to "clear" him from an injury that most likely was fabricated to begin with, it must be late July. The dead season of sports has been magnified x1000 with the growth and demand of sports-related news, including Twitter honks and Deadspin comment board devotees. So of course this would be the perfect time to work desperate sports fans into rabid, foaming at the mouth nutcases for football season by running every major conference media day this week. Do I enjoy media days? Sure, in about the same way that I enjoy the guy at the drive-thru throwing an extra package of Chick-fil-a sauce in with my nuggets. Media days, preview shows, Phil Steele's oracular spectacular of a pre-season publication all contribute to the hype that gets fans to pack the stadium seats on opening day, but is it really the best approach to covering upcoming seasons? All the effort, money, and time spent on predicting perhaps the most unpredictable of all life's dramas? How often do fans unnecessarily put pressure on their teams early on because they hear a few choice comments or quotes, thus dooming any team that doesn't meet expectations to an early demise? Angry rantings aside, there are more important matters to discuss, like why did Kim and Kanye decide that  $750,000 worth of gold plated toilets was a good idea?

-Continuing on with rants about things that don't really matter, UPCOMING JAZZ SEASON!!!! Seriously though, if it hasn't been covered by any of the Jazz-centric blogs or tremendous beat writers Jody Genessy and Bill Oram, you probably don't need me rehashing it here. I'm less excited about the season than I thought I would be, simply because contending for a playoff spot, even if it is the 8th seed, is exciting to me. Obviously I want a trip back to the Finals someday, and so I see the necessity of what the Jazz are doing, and will abide, like the Dude that I am....


That doesn't mean the Jazz need to do the same. Now is probably as good a time as ever for the organization to get the off-court side of the Jazz really developed for the hopeful playoff/championship run. Jumbo Tron was the right place to start, because now watching a game from the upper deck will actually be worth it, but there are other areas I'd like to see improved. Granted, these all won't be popular, but whatever, that's what comment sections are for, right?

1. Bring back the Copper and Black- Just for one game, maybe two. Part of this is me missing that whole era due to a relocation project that I participated in for two years in the frontier town of Ukraine, but the other part is those jerseys are kinda cool. It's a solid change of pace from what we have currently, black is easy to wear, and I'd rock the sh*! out of a black Kanter 0 jersey. The option of a black out at the ESA is also ripe for unintentional comedy.

2. I've heard stories that in the old Salt Palace, there used to be a brass band that would play songs and such around the arena during breaks and before and after games. There is a distinct stereotype that there is no Jazz in Utah, so what better way to switch it up than to re-create a Mardi Gras-type atmosphere before, and possibly after, every game? This would obviously be a long term goal, as you could expand the outside of the ESA to have a concourse like Bankers Life Fieldhouse(had to Google the current name) where fans could meet up and either enjoy some tunes, or have tweet ups as our loyal twitter #Jazznation has been known to do. I'd also gear the in-arena stuff more towards a Mardi Gras celebration than the kind of Utah fluff that we have now. Also, can we pick a postgame victory song and stick with it? Preferably not Enrique Iglesias. Seeing as how winning games will probably be few and far between, Get Lucky by Daft Punk would make sense, but what about Curtis Mayfield's Move On Up(only a slight ripoff of Semi-Pro), or Kanye's take with Touch the Sky, even though I kind of hate Kanye now.

3. Jazz Dancers, the line has been drawn. Top this, and take your rightful place among the great NBA Cheerleaders already. This state has far too many beautiful women for our team to not be able to produce something equal to that Rockets' video.

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